In Limbo..

It's a strange feeling being in limbo.

Having successfully completed my latest manuscript it is now subbed to publishers and the wait begins. In fact I have a total of  five manuscripts out there awaiting verdicts *gulp*.

Two fulls, two partials and one shortie, with the deadline to hear back from one full coming to a head this week. I may just go into labour if it's good news ;-)

Whenever I hit the send button on a submission query I do so with a certain amount of trepidation, hopefulness and a silent prayer. Knowing that an editor somewhere will look over my baby with a critical eye, is nerve wrecking to the extreme. And once it's sent I try my very best to adopt a que sera sera attitude and try not to stalk my e-mail, but I fail miserably at the no stalking rule every time, lol.

Though I have to say it gets easier, sort of. There is no point in writing, if you then do not gather up the courage to submit. And whilst rejections hurt, they are an inevitable part of the process and if you're lucky you get some valuable feedback, that can only make your writing stronger.

For now though, I find myself in limbo, with no story clambering to be told. I did write the first 400 words or so of Lucas' story (the vamp in my latest ms) and I have the bare bones of an exciting plot, but I have firmly shut the door in Lucas' handsome face for now, because right now I need to concentrate on another man in my life. Baby Markus, due any day soon.

My little man has been quietly cooking in the back ground from the  moment of conception, really. You see I have no idea of my dates and I had no idea that I was pregnant, not a mean feat with you ninth baby. He is very much wanted and planned, in so far as hubbie and I adopted a if it happens it happens attitude last summer and stopped using contraception. Neither one of us really expected anything to happen quickly, because of my age.

However, Markus clearly had other ideas and I must have conceived sometime around the madness that was Nano last November. In addition to writing feverishly we also had to deal with health worries over our eldest son, who had a tumour in his jaw removed in December. He has since been given the all clear and his jaw is filling in nicely. He may need another op in the future for cosmetic purposes, but health wise he is fine, thankfully.

So perhaps it's not surprising that I put the early pregnancy symptoms down to stress and the kids tummy bugs etc etc. Due to long term breastfeeding, the lack of periods was also not a give-away, as I literally only had a couple since Tj was born three years ago and had not written them down.

It finally dawned on me at Christmas time, that I hadn't been feeling well for some time and all my clothes were getting tighter, yet I hadn't gained any weight. Hmmmm! I found an old cheapy pregnancy test left over from Tj in a drawer and the early hours of Boxing day found me sitting on the loo, clutching one of the strongest positives I have ever had over nine pregnancies...

We then had the fun of deciding when exactly this baby was due. Original date was 27th August, which was brought forward to 13th and finally 10th August, which officially mean Markus is due in about three weeks time. Will I get there? I'm not sure. Having been there, done that a few times, I doubt it. I have had a few false starts over the last few weeks, nothing for a few days and am silently hopeful that the next time things kick off, it will be for real, but we'll see.

I had a consultant's appointment last Friday, as my midwife had been unsure of Markus' position and he confirmed my personal opinion that my little man is very much head down and ready to be born any day. It was wonderful to hear him say the following, "He can come whenever he wants to now, he will be fine!"

Music to my ears, as I am planning a home birth or midwife led unit delivery and I was a tad worried I would have a fight on my hands if he decided to appear before the magic 37 week mark.

So, this weekend I have taken some much needed time to connect with my wriggling tummy and for the first time I have allowed myself to get really excited about his imminent birth. Tj is four in September, so it's been a long time since we had a baby in the house and I am so looking forward to endless hours of nursing, cuddling and baby wearing. And having a good night's sleep! Yes, you heard me correctly, a good night's sleep.

Thanks to breastfeeding and co-sleeping, we don't suffer from endless sleepless nights in this house, at least not until baby starts teething. Newborns are a doddle, lol. You can quote me on that, when I moan on here how exhausted I am ;-)

But, seriously, I can't wait!

However, I was reminded recently that I should take time to enjoy the last few days/weeks of my pregnancy, especially as this is definitely my last baby. I know I said this before, but at the grand old age of forty three, I feel as though I am pushing my luck having this one, so hubbie will go for the snip, as my age is clearly no barrier to our fertility ;)

So, this weekend has seen me taking it easy, connecting with baby Markus and catching up on my huge TBR pile. Hubbie and I have had great fun, identifying baby parts, tickling toes and playing games with our little man. All our babies are long with long limbs and Markus is no exception. He likes to stretch, which can be downright painful for me, but fascinating to watch nonetheless as you trace a whole arm or leg across my tummy. And he is a BIG boy. I reckon if he does go the whole three weeks he will be as big if not bigger than my six year old was and she weighed in at a whopping 11lbs 12 oz. Tj at 9lbs 2 seems tiny in comparison, lol

Time will tell. Feel free to make your own suggestions as to when Markus will arrive and how much he will weigh.

Personally I will try my best to enjoy these last few days/weeks of pregnancy and celebrate them for the miracle that they are. Never ceases to amaze me how we can create and carry these little beings in our body for nine months, how we can birth them and then can nourish them exclusively at the breast for at least six months if not longer.

Now I will go back to staring at my belly in wonder and enjoy being in limbo....