Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Struggling with it all

As the title says, life in general and pregnancy in particular are getting on top of me right now. The last few weeks of pregnancy are always hard, never more so in the summer. The recent heat wave - thank God it's cooler today - has reduced me into a hormonal, crying mess, literally. But then, looking at the size of that bump, it's not really surprising.

My six year old took that picture.

I am due six weeks tomorrow, in theory anyway. I can't see it myself, especially as I didn't know my dates at all, so this due date is arrived at purely by scans, but we shall see. Might just be wishful thinking on my part, but the way I'm feeling all points to me that I may have two/three weeks at the most.

I always niggle towards the end of my pregnancies. Having contractions on and off for weeks is so not fun, never more so then in the heat. I can't walk, I can't eat, I can't sleep... you get the picture, woe is me and I am having my very own pity party.

Life is one big roller coaster at the minute. I posted about last week's roller coaster on our group blog.

This week the roller coaster is on a permanent low. A natural optimist, it seems to have failed me this week. Tears are never far away and when I don't feel like crying, I am stroppy and bite people's heads off. I do not suffer fools gladly at the best of times, but right now.... Well, you have been warned, that's about all I can say on the matter and I hope Markus arrives sooner, rather than later, before Hubbie divorces me and I alienate all my friends.

Poor little Tj keeps asking me whether I'm all right and suggests that I need some medicine to make me feel better. He also regularly tells baby Markus off and tells him to behave, which is rather sweet. Not there is anything wrong, as such. I am just pregnant! And I am very aware that I should be grateful for being pregnant and that Markus is happy and healthy and it will soon be over, but my determination to enjoy my last pregnancy is sorely tested.

It doesn't help that I haven't written a thing on my current ms for over a week. I am so close to to the end I can smell it, but I may not be able to finish it before Markus arrives and it's killing me. I like to finish things, but I have come to realise that I may need to give myself permission to just let it go for now. Stressing about it is not going to get it finished...

I am concentrating on re-editing Too Cold to Love instead. It's been a few months since I edited it last and as the partial is now sitting on an editor's desk, I thought it wisest to go over it again. Seriously though, how many ing words and had can one woman write? And why did I not notice these at the last edit?

*bangs head against desk*

I am editing a few chapters a day and it seems to be going well, thankfully.

So, after all that rambling, if I go a bit quiet, I have not dropped off the face of the earth, just struggling with it all.


  1. Hugs Doris! In a very similar place here too. Heat NOT helping, neither is the hayfever (if I sneeze once more I may just go insane). How weird that we're in the same position of not having 'real' dates to go by only scan estimates. Supposedly I'm 35 weeks tomorrow but I'm sure I'm closer to 37/38. Niggling too and the head was 3/5 palpable on friday. Interesting for a 4th baby at '34' weeks! Anyway, suffice to say I feel your pain!

  2. I really sympathise with you. Just hang in there, it will be over soon. And then it'll be sleepless nights. :o))

    Seriously though, give yourself a break. It all comes with the territory and you are only human. So do whatever makes you relax and take your mind off the pregnancy and the heat.

    Sending you some cool breeze and lots of love.