If so, read on...
I am hosting Jane Wenham-Jones on my blog today, with her new book Wannabe a Writer?
Jane Wenham-Jones is a novelist, journalist and presenter and the author of the Wannabe Books - two how-to manuals on getting published and becoming well-known.
Practical, personal and honest advice on how to get published with contributions from over a hundred authors, agents, publishers and journalists. Hear from the professionals on how to sell your articles, write a synopsis, find an agent, get your novel accepted and much, much more. With insights, anecdotes and hot tips from Frederick Forsyth, Jilly Cooper, Ian Rankin, Katie Fforde, Jill Mansell, Adele Parks, Lesley Pearse, Michael Buerk, Carole Matthews, Erica James, Mil Millington, Miles Kington, Michael Bywater, Rosie Millard, Robert Crampton, Richard Morrison, Simon Trewin, Jonathan Lloyd, Teresa Chris and Jane Judd as well as publishers Harper Collins, Hodder Headline, Transworld, Orion and Simon & Schuster. A must-have handbook for anyone who's ever wanted to write or just wants to hear how others to do it... Where do you start? How do you finish? And will anyone ever publish it when you have? Drawing on her own experiences as a novelist and journalist, Writing Magazine's agony aunt Jane Wenham-Jones takes you through the minefield of the writing process, giving advice on everything from how to avoid Writers' Bottom to what to wear to your launch party. Wannabe a Writer? tells you everything you ever wanted to know about the book world - and a few things you didn't...
Below is an extract from Wannabe a Writer?, available on Amazon or through all good bookshops. For more on Jane see http://www.janewenham-jones.com.
So you think you’ve got a
book in you?
Everyone has a book in them. This is a myth put about by taxi drivers
who invariably think their own life story would make the greatest best-seller
of them all. It wouldn’t. And even if one does have the sort of exciting and
chequered past that would make a hair-raising piece of fiction, one is not
necessarily equipped with the talent to write it.
It
is a strange thing that few people assume, in the absence of any evidence to
the contrary, that they can paint pictures worthy of the Royal Academy, sing
like Pavarotti or play the guitar like
Segovia.
Yet all sorts of otherwise sensible beings
imagine that if they only had the time they could knock out 90,000 words that
would get snapped up by the publishing world and then fallen upon by a grateful
public.
Writing a decent short story is hard
enough. Writing a book can be excruciating. There are
those who are fond of making
comparisons between writing a book and giving birth. The analogy is supposed to
centre around the nine months and the pushing and the wonder of creation at the
end of it.
For me, it is the fact that you forget the
sheer agony and the fact that you longed to castrate your husband with the
forceps, and actually start to believe it didn't hurt that much and it would be
a jolly idea to do it again.
And when you do, second time around is
even worse. It never gets any easier. It is a terrible, all-consuming,
neurosis-inducing way to earn a living.
On the other hands it has its advantages.
You can turn up to collect your child from school still wearing your pyjamas
and slippers and other parents will only
whisper “she’s a writer, you know” instead of thinking you’re being taken care
of in the community.
You can ask all sorts of personal
questions and friends will be flattered to think you are using them for
research instead of getting all pissed off at how nosey you are.
And you can stare out of the window for
hours on end with a strange expression on your face and a glass in your hand
and pretend you’re working.
Earning money, after all, isn’t everything
(if you think any differently, don’t try and be a writer). But before you start, are you the right
personality-type to attempt to write a book? Try this quiz and see:
Quiz: Have you got what it takes to write
it?
1.
Overall, how would you describe yourself?
A)
You are a healthy outdoorsy type who believes in fresh air, plenty of exercise,
eight hours sleep and three square meals a day
- (0 points)
B) You love Eastenders and The X-Factor,
animals and small children. You are interested in others and think the secret
of a happy life is a matter of give and take
- (5 points)
C) You are quite capable of spending
sixteen hours slumped in the same position at your desk while chain-smoking.
(15 points)
2.
On your desk is:
A)
A
notepad, a pen, a ruler, a bottle of mineral water and a small potted
cactus -
(0 points)
B)
All
the above plus some unpaid bills, a pile of letters you really must answer soon
and several post-it notes with telephone numbers on them from people you’re
going to call back - (5 points)
C)
Books,
more books, an overflowing ashtray, an empty wine bottle, a packet of nurofen,
five highlighter pens, several lists, a telephone directory, last night’s pizza
crust and an article you cut out of Sunday’s paper about venereal disease. Cat
hairs, lipstick, batteries, dictaphone, camera, four notebooks, tippex, condoms
and a two foot pile of paper that you haven’t got to the bottom of since
1986 -
(20 points)
3.
You are in the High Street when an old lady is knocked over by a bicycle
Do you
A)
Call
999 from your mobile, cover her with your jacket and begin mouth to mouth
resuscitation - (0 points)
B)
Scream
loudly, wave your arms to attract attention and carry out a citizen’s arrest on
the cyclist until the police arrive - (1 point)
C)
Borrow
an onlooker’s camera phone to photograph the scene, make a quick diagram of the
blood stains on the back of a fag packet and start interviewing the bike rider
: this could be very good background info for chapter twenty-seven… (25
points)
4.
When you were at school were you:
A) The class bookworm, editor of the
school magazine and winner of the English prize three years running? (10 points)
B)
Often in trouble for talking in class, caught smoking behind the bike
sheds and eventually expelled for having a torrid affair with the French
teacher? (15 points)
C) You didn’t go to school much. You lived
in crushing poverty with ten siblings and only attended lessons every second
Thursday when it was your turn to wear the only pair of shoes. (30 points)
5.
What is your favourite daydream?
A) You win the lottery, give up work and
while away your days sipping champagne on the white sands of the Bahamas (0 points)
B) You lose three stone, have a face-lift
and get swept off your feet by (women) a gorgeous romantic, muscle-bound hunk
or (men) a huge-breasted blonde of twenty-one who wants you to be her sex
slave. (5 points)
C) You are sitting on the sofa with
Richard and Judy after making your
acceptance speech for the Booker prize. (20 points)
6.
What is your general philosophy on Diet?
A)
Even if it is just you, you eat at set times and cook a proper meal with fresh vegetables. (2
points)
B) You try to eat well but if
you’re really busy you’ll have a quick sandwich at your desk. Cooking is so
time-consuming. (10 points)
C) If you realise you’ve had nothing but chocolate, crisps and cans of
cider for more than a week, you take a vitamin pill. (20 points)
7.
How much exercise do you do?
A) A healthy body makes for a healthy
mind. You go to the gym three times a week, play tennis, jog and wear a
pedometer so you can check you’ve done
your 10,000 steps a day. (3 points)
B) You walk the dog most mornings and do a
bit of yoga when you remember. (10
points)
C) You are occasionally forced to sprint
to the postbox on the corner at five-thirty so you can catch the last post.
(You then have a lie-down) (15 points)
8.
How clean is your house?
A) Very clean. All it takes to keep on top
of it, is a quick run-round with the
hoover and a damp duster before work each morning and a proper going-over at
the weekends. (0 points)
B) You do the important bits - e.g.
kitchens and bathrooms for hygiene reasons - but really can’t be worrying about
the rest of it until the dust begins to show. Life’s short. You’d much rather
read a book or write a letter. (5 points)
C) Nobody’s died yet. (15 points)
9.
You have an important report to write for work that your boss needs a week on
Friday. Do you?
A) Sit straight down and do it all. Never
put off till tomorrow what you can do today. (0 points)
B)
Work an hour on it each day until it’s finished. Build in a day for
checking it over and making any minor alterations before giving it in. (15
points)
C) Think about it all the time, but leave
any actual writing until Thursday at 9pm. Sit up all night to finish it,
drinking double espresso and slapping yourself round the face to stay awake.
(25 points)
10.
What is your partner most likely to shout at you in a row?
A)
You never listen! (5 points)
B)
You never talk to me! (5 points)
C)
We never go anywhere! (5 points)
Or
D) All of these, plus reminders you that you are
selfish, egocentric, bad-tempered, self-obsessed, given to scribbling notes at
inopportune moments and making strange muttering noises, that you miss
mealtimes, forget appointments, shout at the children when they want to use
your computer and you haven’t had a proper holiday for ten years. (40
points)
Now
add up your score. Add 120 bonus points if you can say yes to any of the
statements below:
- I am a famous celebrity
- I am a famous footballer
- I am a famous footballer’s wife who
weighs six stone
- I have won Big Brother
- I have not won Big Brother but I have
been on the programme showing my
enhanced breasts/sex-change scars/predilection for vibrating toys or
displaying some sort of dysfunctional
behaviour and then shagging the person who did win it, live on camera.
- I am an MP who’s been in prison.
Conclusions
0
- 30 points I would never
be discouraging enough to say you cannot be a writer because it takes all
sorts, but this choice of career may come as a bit of a shock. Have you thought
about taking up embroidery, golf or train-spotting?
31-
60 points While you’re still displaying worrying signs
of normality, there are some flashes of potential here. At least you have a bit
of life experience to write about.
61
- 200 You show
definite promise and could develop well as a writer given the right
circumstances and encouragement.
Over
200 points -
you’re probably a writer already. If not
- get typing now!
Over
300 - you
are probably in prison.
Wannabe a Writer website
Buy links:
Amazon UK (Paperback)
Amazon UK (Kindle)
Amazon US (Paperback)
Amazon US (Kindle)
The Book Depository
Thanks for stopping by Jane. I'm sure many aspiring Authors will find this book helpful.
Incidentally folks, my score on that quiz fell into the 'you show definite promise' category, lol.
Jasmine Baruch is a jinn—a supernatural being who fights demons with fire. While that’s difficult enough, she’s got bigger problems. She’s a virgin, and in the jinn culture, that is sheer blasphemy. Jinn are supposed to be passionate, promiscuous creatures—everything she isn’t. Due to marry the next day, she takes matters into her own hands by using 1Night Stand. But, like the rest of her life, nothing is easy. The man chosen for her, though incredibly gorgeous, is a demi-sanguine; a half-human, half-demon–her enemy.
