Wednesday, 29 May 2013

I write Sex - get over it!

Happy Hump Day, folks.

As my guest blogger for today had to pull out, I thought I would talk to you about something that's been niggling at me for some time—the perception of Erotic writers. I apologize in advance as this post may well turn a bit ranty, but you see, we, that is hubby and I have been at the receiving end of some astonishing developments over the last couple of weeks.
I'm not going to call names or point fingers, but the upshot of it all is, that we, as a family, are leaving a church we called home for the last fifteen years. Again, there are many reasons influencing our decisions, but things came to a head last week.
Why? I tell you why, my writing.
Now, as far as I am concerned my faith has nothing at all whatsoever to do with my writing. I use the gifts God gave me. I have been asked why I don't write Christian books? I tell you why, because that's not the way my muse works. I've tried to turn the heat down, but you know what, the simple truth of the matter is that my characters like sex. Shocking, I know. Here's another shocking revelation. I like sex! I like writing it, I certainly enjoy that side of my relationship with hubby, and I don't know about you, but a mind blowing orgasm certainly has the power to turn a shitty day into a good one.


Of course sex is not the be all and end all of any relationship, or in my writing for that matter. Whilst you will find scorching hot sex in my stories, there is always romance, emotion, and a happy ever after.
So why then is my writing so 'shameful' that I have been asked to brush it under the carpet like some dirty little secret?
Love is love, be that between two or more people, or between same sex couples. I don't judge, and I'm pretty sure the God I believe in doesn't judge either.
No, judging seems to be entirely a human trait. It is perhaps ironic that the very community who tends to be judged the most, the BDSM community, has in my experience been the least judgemental.
You see, this is another thing. I write BDSM amongst other things. Not only do I write it, I'm a collared submissive to my hubby.
Now, I'm sure the good folks who think my writing is so shameful have now gone into apoplexy, but you know what, that is THEIR problem. Hubby and I decided long ago we would never make apologies for who or what we are. We have never conformed, nor do we wish to, and we're both the type of people that push boundaries, just because we can.
Tell us we can't do something, and we'll prove you wrong! And newsflash—we were given our brains for a reason—to use them.
I have Sir's permission to share all this. Most of our friends know this anyway. The ones that didn't, well, surprise!
*grins*
So, that's the reality. I'm sure what people think is at the other end of the spectrum.
Which brings me to my next point. What do these righteous folks think us Erotic writers do? I'm sure they're expecting me to have orgies every night or something. Well, the reality couldn't be further from the truth.
First and foremost I am a wife and mother. We have nine children, the youngest being only 20 months old, and as any parent knows, having little ones underfoot kind of curtails those activities somewhat. Add BDSM into the mix, and chances for Sir and I to play are few and far between. I'm not complaining. It is what it is, and as the kids grow up, we will have plenty of time for all that.
So whilst I do dip into my personal experiences when I'm writing, most of it is this wonderful thing called Imagination. I tell stories—that's what I do. It's called fiction for a reason. Besides to my knowledge I have never had sex with a vampire or a shifter, though hubby does have a delicious growl when he's in Dom mode.
*smirks*
So, if you're still with me after all that rambling. I'm an Erotic writer, and I love writing. I fully accept that my stories are not for everyone. That's fine. It's called freedom of choice. I don't force you to read them, or those of my fellow authors. So why then do I know so many of my fellow authors, who suffer for their art? I know authors who have lost their job, others have to keep their writing completely hidden from everyone, even members of their own family, and a male author was attacked for writing Erotic romance?
Why? Why are people so threatened by those of us writing sex? We are all the product of it after all. The human race would be extinct, if we didn't enjoy sex.
It's a mystery to me, it really is.
I leave you with one final comment from my hubby and Sir.

"We're on this earth for a short space of time, so be true to yourself—always—and be you. Don't let other people bring you down, or make you conform. Never be ashamed of who you are."

67 comments:

  1. VERY true,there are some mighty hypocrites about. Just be yourself and s*d em

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  2. Good for you! I wish I had a fraction of your courage Doris xx

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  3. Well said, Doris! Like Jorja said, I wish I had an ounce of your fire. I worry far too much about what people think about me and my writing. I need to let go of that hang up. I admire you so much. x

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  4. This is such a great post Doris.
    I love it totally.
    'Freedom is about having the choice to be just you not as others wish you to be!' That is my tag line - as you know.
    Be who you are, enjoy the relationship with Sir - write what comes from inside you. Never conform! LOL

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  5. Well said Doris! I remember Ravena post not long ago and couldn't believe it. I'm sorry you have been judged so wrongly.

    And I never knew you were a submissive! Good on ya for not being afraid to voice who you are. We should never be judged, some people can be really shitty.

    Anyhoo, I'm sure you know I love your writings, I recommend them to everyone and their friends! Keep yer head up girl and keep those delicious stories of yours coming (pardon the pun ; p)

    And have a hug from me x

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    1. *hugs Dee right back* Yeah, it's not something i advertise, lol, but Sir basically said if we're going to be judged, then let's truly blow their minds ;-) I do love that man!

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  6. Haha! Terrific post, Doris. Of course, if you do decide to have orgies every night, do let the rest of us join in.....

    Seriously, you write romance, albeit with explicit sex. What's wrong with writing romance? Or what's wrong with sex come to that? If it wasn't for sex this would be a world with no people!!!

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    1. LMAO, Jennifer, I'll be sure to let you know ;-) And yes, exactly!

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  7. stuff thenm all doll, just do you. As long as you and yours are happy and healthy don't even give them a second of your time.

    There are far more important things in the world and small minded short sighed hypocrits aint one of them.

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  8. BRAVA! You tell 'em, Doris. :D

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    1. Lol, I do believe I just did ;-) Thanks, Tara,

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  9. Awesome, awesome post, Doris! One of the many reasons I love you is because of your honestly and forthrightness (I think that's a word!)! I have received backlash from my choice of writing erotic romance and I have responded similarly. You make me proud to be your friend and fellow Evernight sister! Rock on!

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing Doris. You are dead on. I'm just glad my friends and family who aren't interested in my erotic writing just don't mention it. No one close to me has ever come down on me for it. The coldest reception I got was "Oh, well I won't buy THOSE ones, okay?" haha. No problem, auntie. You don't have to.

    I'm curious how living with your Master works. If you're up for it, I'd love to have a chat on Facebook/gchat/skype sometime.

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    1. Sure, Angelica, though we're really quite ordinary most of the time :-)

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  11. There's a little bit of me wondering if you're winding said people up for a apoplexy but I don't think that's your style. Not that they wouldn't deserve it. I'm pretty certain that the Christian message is 'love thy neighbour'. Full stop! Not love thy neighbour only if they fit into a nice little, sexually silent box. The worst bigots are the ones who have no idea they are!

    I didn't know but your writing is so vivid and sympathetic I have wondered... I hope you find a good, friendly, Christian church to go to.

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    1. Heh, as tempting as that would be, I'm not :-)I wouldn't joke about this. It's far too important to us.

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    2. That's what I thought. Enjoy! I bet your detractors don't have nearly as much fun...

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  12. Thank you for such an enlightening post! This is a free world if you don't like what someone writes than don't read it. I get sick of people judging other people. Sorry for the rant, but I get sick of being judged. The people doing the judging need to remember that they are no better than anyone else.

    Chin up, Doris! I love you and your writing!!

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  13. Awesome post. Bottom line.... We write the escapes people are afraid to admit that they'd love to take.

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  14. Well said. The problem is the way our society views sex; not to be discussed in any way. I remember learning about sex from my friends not my mother, she refused to discuss it past slot A fits in slot B and done. People are to afraid to admit that they might like something that goes against a preconceived notion and enjoy getting on their little soap box to spout judgmental remarks, and they probably have more skeletons taking up residence in their closet than the people they are condemning.

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    1. Too true, Rachel. I guess I was fortunate to grow up in a household where sex was freely discussed, and we're thriving for the same atmosphere with our kids. They know they can come and talk to us about anything, and they frequently do.

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  15. Be true to yourself and your muse. And someday those righteous people may realize that they were created because of sex!

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  16. We were on similar rants today, honey bun. Probably because we've been sharing similar experiences the last couple of weeks.
    Hugs to you, and keep doing what you do!!!

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  17. I absolutely love this. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it takes a lot to be that out- I personally know from having decided to live the same way as you, out. I've left a church too where pieces of me where too much for others there to handle, that's the pieces of me I even shared because I did go back into the closet on some issues. Never again. Closets are for clothes :D but yeah, what do people think us erotica writers (and BDSM practitioners) do? lol, it's not nearly as glamorous as some books make it out to be :D

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    1. LOL, Joelle, no it's far from glamorous at times, huh. :-)

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  18. This is so ridiculous, truly. And it has nothing to do with "Christian" values -- my friend the Anglican vicar knows I write erotic romance and has been known to say, "So, shall I be reading the newest offering from the pulpit this Sunday, then?" What this is, is small-minded people who can't stand the fact that not everybody marches along in their rut. I'm just sorry that you and your family have to leave a church that you've been attending for 15 years due to their pettiness.

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    1. No, I agree, Nicola, it hasn't. I have plenty of Christian friends who do not have an issue with any of this. *shrugs*

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  19. Well said Doris! As a mother and wife to an Army Soldier, I completely understand where you are coming from. The taboo stereotype of our chose profession has always baffled me. The Erotic Publishing World is a "BILLION" dollar a year industry. We are in the leading publication field, and yet we are all scorned and stoned for what we do. This makes no sense.

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  20. I think I gave someone a piece of my valuable mind over this issue on your FB status. God gave you a talent. You are not lying to God nor yourself in what you are writing. Nuff said.

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    1. Hey, Manda, yes you did! lol Thanks for the support :-)

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  21. Very nice, Doris! On one side of the spectrum I have a mother-in-law that won't read my books because they have sex in them. She read FSoG and skimmed over anything remotely resembling a sexual encounter. Why the hell do you read them? My parents, on the other hand, cheer me on no matter what I write...and they're hard-nosed Catholics!

    Booo, I say, to the judgmental pissants in the world. Maybe what that need is someone to fuck them properly...with the lights on and a whip[ in hand!

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    1. *snort*

      Now you sound like Sir when he's annoyed, lol!

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  22. You are bloody lovely, Doris, and this is a great piece.
    You were supportive when my first foray into erotic fiction was published and I found out that not all friends are real friends. I'm not as brave as you and have decided to keep my writing persona distant from 'real life' so I applaud you and your choices. Both you and your writing inspire me.

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  23. Ah Doris...What a great post...*S* You, your writing and your life is your own, and you shouldn't have to be made to feel that you have to justify a damn thing. I've enjoyed your books, and reading all that you've shared and feel blessed with it all.
    If it wasn't for you and many other authors who have shared your gift, your art I wouldn't have been so very fortunate to have a such awesome experience in enjoying them.
    I have very strong opinions in how "certain religious" attitudes and judgemental rants, and come to the conclusion that you can't live to please those who won't open their minds and accept that sex is a fact of life...it doesn't change you as a human being.
    Wishing you and your Sir all the best...;)
    You are the best girl...thank you for all the great stories..*S*

    Darcy

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    1. Thanks so much, Darcy. You made me sniff a little :-)

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  24. Go Doris! Be yourself. I tried to do what some Christian friends wanted me to, and I was miserable. We have to be to true to ourselves. If we hide then we're hiding who God made us.

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    1. Yes, that's exactly it, Alyssa. :-)

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  25. Great post, D. I totally get you on this. Isn't it sad that the people who should be the least judgemental are the most? There are no caveats in the instruction to 'Love thy neighbour' and yet some Christians want to pick and choose which neighbour they love.

    As you rightly ask, are we not all a product of sex? So why do people get hung up about reading it? I never understand that. As long as its between consenting adult persons, there should be no problem.

    Anyway, you know I admire you and your writing. I remember reading the sexed up version of Scandinavian Scandal and thinking you've found your calling. I named you the UCW Mistress of erotica. And you've gone on to greater stories from there.

    Keep up the good work. The people that matter love you for it. :)

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    1. *blushes* Thanks, Kiru, and thanks for all your support. All the UCW girls rock for that matter!

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  26. Ha! Well said, Doris. I happen to love your writing. No reason to not write what your characters feel. Someone asked tonight at work if my H/Hs are based on anyone I know. Nope. And I'd happened to say exactly what your post so eloquently pointed out. It's fiction. Do nurses and doctors really go at it in the supply closets? Umm..no. Lol. Work would be so much more entertaining if they did....Hahahaa...Write On, Girl!

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    1. Lol, you'd never get any work done, huh ;-) Thanks, Kathleen.

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  27. Ha! Well said, Doris. I happen to love your writing. No reason to not write what your characters feel. Someone asked tonight at work if my H/Hs are based on anyone I know. Nope. And I'd happened to say exactly what your post so eloquently pointed out. It's fiction. Do nurses and doctors really go at it in the supply closets? Umm..no. Lol. Work would be so much more entertaining if they did....Hahahaa...Write On, Girl!

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  28. Just continue doing what you do. If your happy and the husband is happy...and your hurting no one? DO YOU. I Love your writing...

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  29. Bloody lovely is about right, lovely woman.

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  30. Well said, Doris. Authors shouldn't have to apologize for who we are and what we do. Politicians sure don't. :) Love you, girl! Keep writing.

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  31. here here!! Your books are amazing and anyone who judges what an author writes should just get stuffed. I write paranormal because, as you say, that's what my muse likes and centuries old vampires or powerful shifters aren't just going to hold hands!!! I am amazed you manage to juggle all your kids, all your writing and a fantastic (and may I say rather hot sounding) relationship with your hubby.

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